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by lotts (LottieAnna)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Drabble, Established Relationship, Fluff, Instagram, M/M, Memes, Oneshot, Summer, so much chirping, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-11 14:58:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11150817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/pseuds/lotts
Summary: "I’ll blow you if you get me to 30k,” Zach says.





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**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU FOUND THIS THROUGH GOOGLING, KNOW ANYONE MENTIONED IN THIS STORY PERSONALLY, OR ARE MENTIONED YOURSELF: please, please click away. This is a work of fiction and nothing written in this story is true. Any accurate information used in this story is publicly available information about public figures, the rest is made up, 100%. 
> 
> Thanks to ftc and tots for all their help, as always! I promised myself that every fic I wrote instead of studying for finals was gonna have a mathematical title, so here's this one. 
> 
> Honestly, I've been wanting to write something 'bout these dudes for a while. Inspired by this: 
> 
> More on this pairing below, and other fun stuff in the endnotes, as always!

 

"I’ll blow you if you get me to 30k,” Zach says.

“You could just post better stuff, you know,” Auston says.

“Bullshit,” Zach says. “If I went first overall and was a fucking Leaf, maybe.”

“Are you saying I don’t earn my followers?” Auston says, smirking.

“Are you saying you don’t want me to blow you?” Zach replies.

“Obviously not.”

“Alright, then post a fucking pic with me, man,” Zach says.

It’s the offseason, not even June yet, and like, he’d feel guilty for spending so much time not training, except that he’s fucking exhausted, and like, other guys have told him it’s a good thing, focusing on shit besides hockey.

Right now, that means hanging out in Arizona for a few days, because he hasn’t actually seen his boyfriend in-person for more than a few hours at a time since like, September, and it’s kind of absurd.

Auston sighs, but Zach can tell he’s not actually upset about it. “Fine, but we gotta motivate it,” he says.

“Motivate it,” Zach repeats.

“Y’know, gotta go out somewhere and like...” Auston makes a gesture with his hand.

Zach makes a face at the idea of going out, because it’s summer in Arizona, and maybe Auston’s used to this, but it’s too hot to do anything but lie in Auston’s air-conditioned room by Zach’s standards.

“Can’t you just appreciate the way I look?” Zach says. “Show off my beautiful face to your followers.”

“No,” Auston says.

“You’re ridiculous,” Zach says, because he honestly is, at least when it comes to Instagram.

“I’m the one with the 300k follower count, so,” Auston says, shrugging.

“Fine, we can go out somewhere,” Zach says. “It’s so hot, though.”

“We can get ice cream,” Auston says, hopping off his bed.

Zach shrugs. “Works for me.”

* * *

 

“No way,” Zach says. “I refuse to let you post it like that.”

“What’s wrong with it?” Auston says.

“It’s in black and white,” Zach says.

“So?” Auston replies, like he can’t see the problem with that.

“So, that ruins the entire picture,” Zach says. “Like, there are rainbow sprinkles, and the sunset and shit in the background. Why would you ruin that?”

“I prefer black and white, I dunno,” Auston says.

“It’s actually insulting that you have so many followers,” Zach says. “Like, you’re awful at this, honestly.”

“What, you’re a photography expert now?” Auston raises an eyebrow at him.

“No, you’re just especially bad at it.”

“Pretty cocky for a guy who’s not even at 30k yet,” Auston says, and he smirks.

Zach flicks a sprinkle at him, but he’s smiling. “Fuck off.”

Auston takes a lick of his popsicle, and Zach is momentarily distracted from his critique of Auston’s social media behavior. By the look Auston gives him afterwards, that was probably his goal.

Whatever, Zach’s into Auston. It’s hardly news-worthy.

“Smile for my followers,” Zach says, holding up his phone. Auston, of course, doesn’t, just makes the usual dumb, serious face he has in every picture. He doesn’t think his smile looks good in photos, which he’s wrong about, but the picture Zach gets is still good, especially because he, unlike Auston, is a pretty decent photographer.

“How’s it look?” Auston says.

Zach turns the phone to show him, and Auston scrutinizes it for a second before saying, “alright, it’s good.”

“Glad I have your permission,” Zach snorts. He captions it _teaching this guy how to take a photo with #nofilter._

Auston pulls out his phone to look at the picture, and Zach can see him biting his lip to hold back a laugh before he says, “You’re kind of an asshole.”

“It’s why you love me,” Zach deadpans.

“Guess so,” Auston says, and Zach gives him a small smile.

* * *

 

“Jeez, Marner’s fast,” Zach says, scrolling through Instagram notifications once they’re back in Auston’s blessedly air-conditioned room, lying on his bed. They’re perpendicular, and Auston’s head is on Zach’s stomach.  

“Huh?” Auston asks, looking up from his phone.

“He was the first comment,” Zach says. “Does he like, get notifications whenever I post something?”

“He was probably, like, refreshing his feed. He keeps texting me about how bored he is” Auston says.

“What’s he up to this summer?” Zach asks, and Auston shrugs.

“Hopefully spending time with Strome,” he says. “Hasn’t shut up about him since January.”

“Ew. Were we ever that bad?”

“Nah,” Auston says. “There’s a lot of drama with them.”

“Oh,” Zach says.

“Nothing bad, just– it’s who they are as people, I guess. You know.”

Zach shrugs.

“Mitch thinks our relationship is boring, by the way,” Auston says.

Zach smiles at that. “He can fuck off,” he says, and starts running a hand through Auston’s hair. “Boring’s the best.”

“Yep,” Auston says, smiling contentedly at the touch. “You at 30k yet?”

“No, not yet,” Zach says. “Post your pic, man.”

“Hm,” Auston says, considering. “Do you actually have to reach 30k before you blow me? Or will you do it as soon as I post the picture?”

Zach laughs. “If you really want me to blow you, you can just ask,” he says. “I was like, 90% kidding earlier.”

“Alright, but 10% of you wasn’t,” Auston says, standing up to reposition himself on his bed. “What if I want to blow you instead?”

“Those aren’t mutually exclusive,” Zach says, and Auston straddles him.

“Yeah, but can I do it before you hit 30k?”

Zach pretends to think for a moment. “Yeah, I’ll allow it,” he says, laughing as Auston eagerly tugs at the waistband of his shorts.

* * *

 

“I’m gonna wait until tomorrow to post it,” Auston says, already half-asleep, because that’s what usually happens after sex. “Don’t wanna steal the focus from yours.”

“Whatever you say,” Zach says, and he’s playing with Auston’s hair again, because he knows that’s one of his favorite things.

“I’m kinda tired,” he says, as if his eyes aren’t already closed.

“Go to bed, man,” Zach says, and Auston does, but not before nestling into Zach’s chest.

They don’t bother with alarms, because they don’t have to be up for anything the next morning.

* * *

 

They go to breakfast the next day at noon, and Auston’s really excited to take Zach to this restaurant. Zach knows this because Auston’s casually asked if Zach wants to go there three times since waking up an hour and a half ago, which is pretty much as much enthusiasm as he’s capable of showing outside of hockey or sex.

“I’m staging an intervention,” Zach says, after Auston makes sure the meal is documented on his Instagram. “You’re addicted to boomerang.”

Auston rolls his eyes. “I don’t use it that much.”

“All the fucking time,” Zach says, cutting into his Eggs Benedict.

“Well, why else would you put something on your Insta story?”

Zach considers that for a second. “Alright,” he says. “Speaking of, come here, we gotta get this on Snapchat.”

Auston obediently switches so that he and Zach are side-by-side in the booth, and they make their standard flower crown filter selfie faces.

“Aw, this hides the dark circles under your eyes,” Zach says, swiping until he finds the Scottsdale geofilter.

“Harsh,” Auston says. “I would never say something like that to you.”

“You would, and you have,” Zach says, scrolling through his friends list to see who he should send it to.

“When?” Auston asks.

“Puck to the face?” Zach says.

“Okay, relative to how bad it looked, I was pretty tame.”

Zach shakes his head. “So mean. You’re an awful boyfriend.”

“Like you’re any better,” Auston says.

“Cool, so we’re both shitty people, glad that’s settled,” Zach says.

“That’s why this works,” says Auston. “You’re an asshole to me, but you don’t actually mean it, so when I’m an asshole to you, you know I don’t mean it.”

“Symbiotic,” Zach says. “I like it.”

“Yep,” Auston says. “Match made in heaven.”

Zach’s about to respond with some quip, but his phone buzzes to let him know he has a new snap from Marner; it’s just a bunch of rainbow emojis and the word "gay."

“I think he’s onto us,” Zach says, showing it to Auston before it disappears.

“Wonder how he figured it out,” Auston says.

Zach puts his foot on Auston’s shin under the table. “Hey, you gonna post that picture?”

“Probably, yeah,” Auston says.

“Now?” Zach asks. He’s being ridiculous, but his boyfriend and best friend both have way more followers than he does, and he’s very slightly bitter about it. Especially Dylan. That’s just unfair.

Auston rolls his eyes. “Fine,” he says. “I’m posting it in black and white, though.”

“That’s homophobic,” Zach says.

“Alright, no filters, happy?” Auston says, tapping his thumbs on the touchscreen.

“What are you captioning it?”

“You’ll see,” he says, smiling.

“Oh god,” Zach says. “It’s gonna be something annoying.”

“No, it’s great, promise,” Auston says.

“Then show it to me before you post it.”

“No.”

“I’m already not liking this post.”

“Well, it’s posted,” Auston says, locking his phone as Zach opens his.

 _cracking open a cold one with the bae_ it says underneath the photo, and Zach stares at his phone for a second.

“Yeah, I’m breaking up with you,” Zach says.

“Nope, you’re impressed,” Auston says, and he takes a sip of coffee.

Zach takes a screenshot and sends it to Dylan, along with a message that says, _would it be rude to block my boyfriend on insta?_  

 _probably,_ Dylan responds. A few minutes later, Zach gets a notification that Dylan’s tagged him in a comment, which just says _good catch._

“How long ago did you think up that caption?” Zach says.

“A few weeks,” Auston admits.

“I’m gonna run to the Toronto media and tell them that you’re actually the biggest loser in the universe, you know,” Zach says. “You’re not actually a hockey player, you’re a fucking meme.”

“Alright, but this photo will get you to 30k,” Auston says. “You’re welcome.”

“But at what cost,” Zach says, and Auston just shrugs and steals a bite of English muffin right off Zach’s plate.

By the time they pay for their food and leave, Zach’s at 30k, and as soon as they get back, he keeps his promise.

* * *

 

They go for a run at sunset, and afterwards, Zach takes a picture of Auston. It’s kind of backlit, but he can still make out the tired and satisfied look on Auston’s face. His hair also looks unfairly good for someone who just finished working out, but the effort looks good on him, always has.

“You know,” Auston says, probably unaware that he was just photographed, “you look really sexy after you work out.”

Zach smiles. “You’re not so bad yourself,” he says, and leans in for a kiss.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't find any common triggers in this story, but if there is anything you feel should be tagged, please please please let me know! 
> 
> I was legitimately surprised to see that no one had posted anything for this pairing? I swear this should be a thing. I'm gonna post some fun links here for y'all to peruse:  
> -[This article](http://www.espn.com/nhl/story/_/id/19159016/nhl-2017-stanley-cup-young-players-keeping-touch) on USNDTP friendships and [ this one](http://www.dispatch.com/sports/20170322/blue-jackets--leafs-matthews-jackets-werenski-develop-bond-as-star-rookies) on Auston and Zach's star rookie bond.  
> -Z, on Auston's 4-goal debut: [ "You're joking"](https://twitter.com/ZachWerenski/status/786371209097310208)  
> -Z, on Auston's Call of Duty skills: [ "He's bad. It's brutal" ](https://twitter.com/kristen_shilton/status/852993556868476929)  
> -Z, on him and Auston being nominated for the Calder: [ "I offered to help him write his acceptance speech" ](https://twitter.com/Aportzline/status/856279022107586560?s=09)  
> -Just... look through their comments on each other's photos? Half of them are Zach asking for followers and the rest are like, very strange and potentially ironic comments that like, might be chirps. It's very unclear. None of it makes sense.  
> -Actually, Auston's entire Instagram presence makes no sense and I wrote this fic just to drag him.  
> -Generally not looking for concrit, but man, it's hard to find information about grammar rules for writing about social media in fiction, so if you know of any, please tell me. 
> 
> BONUS CONTENT!  
> -Zach and Auston are purposely enigmatic about whether or not they're dating on social media, but they post about each other all the time, so most people are like, pretty sure.  
> -The first Leaf to learn about their relationship in any official capacity was Mitch.  
> Mitch: "is there something with you and Werenski?"  
> Auston: "yeah, he's my boyfriend, we've been together for years, we're like, in a healthy, happy, supportive relationship"  
> Mitch: "oh I thought you were just hitting that."  
> Auston: "yeah that too"  
> -Mitch, Auston, and Zach all hung out soon after that, and Mitch and Zach spent the entire time going through Auston's Instagram, picture by picture, and critiquing each one.  
> Mitch: "you're a handsome dude, why all the filters?"  
> Zach: "i mean he's ugly as shit, but still, too many filters."  
> Auston: "fuck off, you're hideous."  
> Mitch: "are you sure you're dating"  
> -Man the background Mitch and Dylan relationship in this universe is a blast, I gotta tell you. Auston was right when he said their version of #drama isn't actually bad! It's just... everything heightened.  
> ->Every time Mitch gets drunk he starts crying about how much he misses Dylan and how talented he is and how he's overwhelmed by how much he loves him (it's okay Mitch, we all get drunk and cry about Dylan Strome sometimes). He'll also call Auston and be like "COME OVER RIGHT NOW RELATIONSHIP EMERGENCY" and the "emergency" will be that Mitch already bought Dylan a birthday gift, but he found something else he thinks would be a good gift, and he doesn't want to be rude and buy them both because that would be too extravagant, and he doesn't know what to do.  
> ->Dylan also always sends Auston texts that are like "you're one of Mitch's best friends, and I need your help on something, I don't know what to do! He's so important and I just really need some input from someone who gets him the way you do." and Auston's like "yeah sure what's up" and Dylan's like "what size shirt does he wear"  
> -Auston and Zach are really sweet! They're just pretty subtle about it, and the real sappy shit is less frequent. When Zach's face got hit with a puck, Auston made lots of jokes about him being ugly now, but then at the end, said, "I love you no matter what, okay? Let me know as soon as your bruises heal enough that I can kiss you, because I'll fly to wherever you are and do it."  
> -If someone comments "Laine's better" before "daddy" on one of Auston's Insta posts, Zach has to do a shot. If it's the reverse, Auston does.  
> Come talk to me on [tumblr!](https://lottswrites.tumblr.com/)


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